Fml. Seriously. .. I could die. I love sex and it seems like I can’t get enough of it, but I don’t think it’ll ever be the same.
Well, not only am I no longer 21, but we are officially in the year 2014. CRAZY, I KNOW. I’m sure some of you are surprised you’ve made it this long, and some of you are just bored with the same old traditions but are any of you actually thankful to be part of this new year? I’m not sure if I am either. I mean, I am… but I’m bitter, and grumpy, and moody. It may just be me being my crazy emotional self, but today was a hard day for me. I had to face the fact that I’m getting older and that my life is now starting to progress much faster than I ever thought it would. It seems like this last year of my life just FLEW by.
First, there was January 1st, 2013. That was a VERY hard day for me. Robert left for basic training and I was about 12 or so weeks pregnant at the time, with Melody. I thought it was the end of my life and that once he came home, we’d be completely done like we had been saying we were for months. NOPE! We weren’t done. We wrote and wrote… and then wrote some more. We wrote when times were easy, and when times were hard. We wrote when both of us needed a bit of a push to get out of bed and keep going, me with Aiden and him with training. It was a rough 4 months (I don’t even want to think about what deployment is going to be like with two kids).
After that, was March when we learned that we were having a GIRL and Robert turned 21 in basic which was not fun for him but reassuring for me. :P I was SO overly excited that we were having a girl. After having Aiden for two full years at that point we were ready for pretty pink and purple dresses and girlie stuff. We wanted a girl so we could have one of each and be done… but are we done? and then my beautiful boy turned TWO! HOLY FREAKIN’ COW! Where did those years go?! Oh yeah… let’s not get into that.
After that was April. That was the month I had been waiting for since he left. The 21st was the day I got my husband back. Would we be happy, or would it all fall apart? Well, as you can see, we are still together and more happy than I ever thought was possible for us. Especially after our first few years of marriage… Those were pretty rocky, but look where we are now! How amazing is that? I thank God every day for showing us how much we needed each other. He is my helm and I am his anchor… and sometimes the other way around.
THEN only ten days after that, Aiden started REALLY walking and Robert reported to Fort Stewart, Ga which is where he is station. We all went together and got set up in our new home which is only temporary of course seeing as military moves quite a bit. I wonder where we’ll be in another two years. I hate Georgia. I hate the humidity, I hate the spiders, I hate the fact that you have to drive at least an hour to get to any decent city with stuff to do. I definitely miss home but I have to say there are a few things I enjoy. Being away from both of our families has really given us a chance to rely only each other. It has brought us closer together and given us the space we needed to really become our own little family unit. We’re adults now, how weird is that?!
JULY! So… July was a long month. I was pretty much dying to have Melody at the beginning of July. I was praying and hoping she’d come a week or two early since I was SO uncomfortable. Being pregnant was MISERABLE. I hate being pregnant. It does not do anything good for my body. But when I started having contractions that broke my water at 2AM on the 25th I was terrified. Can I do this? Is it gonna hurt? Will she be okay? SHE WAS PERFECT! She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life. I mean, I love Aiden but OH MY GOODNESS he was an unattractive newborn. Melody came out pink with her eyes open and looking straight at me. She had my heart from the start.
October was uneventful. We didn’t celebrate Halloween.
skip forward to Christmas. everything went fairly well. I got everyone’s gifts and stockings together and they seemed to love them.
baby girl is now in my arms so i’ll just leave it at happy new year. lets hope its a good one!
I bet you’re wondering about my title.. actually, I bet you’re not. Nobody really reads my blogs, so this is more of a diary for myself. I haven’t been on in a while though, so some things have changed since my last post.
Back to my title.. I’m sorta, kinda, almost home alone. Except, I’m not. I’ve still got the kids, the only difference is it’s 1AM and Robert’s gone and they’re both sleeping. Sorta.. They keep stirring. We’ll see how long they stay asleep. With my luck, it won’t be too long. I bet you’re probably thinking Robert’s on staff duty or cq or something that has to do with work, aren’t you? Yeah, well.. he’s not. I’m SUPER annoyed because he keeps voulenteering to drive his friends to Atlanta, and Jacksonville, and Florida so that they can go to the airport for visits home. A few times isn’t a big deal to me… The only problem is that It’s fucking midnight. The last time he did this, it was a four hour drive each way to Atlanta Thanksgiving morning. Like, EARLY am. So, not only does this take away my cuddle buddy for bedtime, but it takes away my security blanket, and body guard for the babies and I as well. Not only am I super paranoid about someone breaking in while he’s gone, but I’m also worried about something happening to him. It just sucks because he does it so that he can hang out with them more, but he’s with them all day Mon-Fri and sometimes nights and weekends too! The only time of day I look forward to is when Robert gets home. He’s still close to being my only form of adult interaction at this point and it stinks.
It’s not that I don’t want to go out and make friends, I do! It’s just that since we’re a one car family, he usually has the car except when The kids and I have appointments for stuff. It’s lame. I feel like a prisoner of my own house. He bought me a double jogging stroller so I can take the kids for walks during the day, but I hate going without him because honestly, I’d really rather spend time with him. I’m lonely and the only person that I want to fill that void with is my husband. At least I’m being loyal, right?
As for the other stuff that’s going on, I was able to get a prescription for my hypothyroidism. I’m on a low dose of cyntharoid ( i think that’s the proper spelling), and I’ll be going in every 6 weeks for a blood test to check my thyroid levels for the rest of my life. It sucks that it’s a forever kind of thing, but I’m excited that it’s starting to become managable. Since I’ve started the medication I have more energy, my weight has stablized and is no longer going up and down a few pounds a day like I thought was a normal thing. I also have more patience for pretty much everything. I’m doing better with the kids (I still hate cleaning :P) but I’m even doing pretty well not getting super moody with Robert, unless I have a reason. It’s been great! I feel like a completely different person. OH! And did I mention that I have my sense of smell back?! No? Well, I do! I can smell everything! I can smell the wet earth after it rains, I can smell when someone is barbequing, I can even smell brownies in the oven from across the house! It’s been YEARS since I’ve had a sense of smell like this. It’s been awesome. The only downside to that is I can now smell dirty diapers. Peeyew!
Other than that, there’s really not a whole lot going on. Christmas is around the corner and I wish I could have sent gifts home to all of the family and friends, but we were just able to take care of my nieces this year and our kids. My mom was able to send gifts out this year, which made me cry because I know how much they’re struggling with money. I mean, they even got the cat a gift… They shouldn’t have sent anything, but I know my mom feels horrible that she’s not able to spoil my kids and my nieces like she used to be able to. It’s really not her fault. If my dad wasn’t sick and he was still working, they’d probably be financially stable, for the most part, but since my dad’s gotten sick, they just have no money for anything. It’s killing me that I can’t help them, but I’ve still got Aiden’s hospital bills that I haven’t even STARTED to pay off yet. How do I even start to pay off $10,000 when I can’t work yet? No idea how we’re going to be able to take care of that.
After Christmas is my 22nd birthday! yeah… not really looking forward to it. It’s not gonna be celebrated again this year so I’m just ready to get it over with. I feel like I’ve started the end of my life already. I’m only 22 and am married with two kids, my hair is turning white, AND I feel like I’m dying. I thought I was supposed to have the world on a string! I’ve been thinking about going back to school, but I still have no idea what I’d go to school for. There’s so many things I’m interested in, but I feel like my emotions would get in the way with most of them. I can’t do anything in medicine because I’m so empathetic. When people are hurting emotionally, I feel and carry their pain. When I see people crying, my heart hurts and I cry. It’s absolutely rediculous! I can’t get on fb without reading a story about a baby that’s dying or a mother who had to take a bullet for her dog or whatever without bawling like a baby. I’m hoping it’s something that starts to go away as I get older, but part of me likes that I’m so empathetic. It makes me feel like I have a heart. Like I’m a people person… which I’m really not. I mean, I don’t really even know how to speak with other adults anymore. It’s sad, really.
ALSO! I found out that my brother and his wife are having a boy for their second child! I’m really not sure how to feel about it. I’m excited for them, but I’m jealous for Aiden. By the time the baby gets here, it will have been 3 full years that Aiden was the only grandson on my side of the family. Everyone LOVES him. But, my brother and his wife are the kind of people who like to spoil their kids and give them almost everything. I have no problem with that, I wish I could do that for Aiden and Melody, but everyone always fusses over Jenna. Like, it’s kind of obsessive. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, greataunts, greatuncles.. She’s adorable, but I’m talking SPOILED. I do however wish I got the chance before leaving to hang out with her more. I feel like I missed out on a huge part of being an aunt with all three of my nieces and now it’s about to happen with my nephew. Both of Ashley’s girls were born away from home. Bri in Germany and Hannah in Colorado. Then, Jenna was born while I was in El Paso and lives in Red Rock so it was a pretty far trip to make when I finally moved back. I really only got to see her on holidays, and she has like, NO idea who I am. But this little girl goes to san diego all the time, which means disney land nearly once a month it seems like, I’m sure if she hasn’t been to Hawaii a few times yet, it’ll happen soon. she’s probably already seen more of this country than I have already and she’s only 2! Oh well, I can’t hate. She’s a very fortunate little girl and their son will be just as lucky and adorable. I just hope no one forgets about my kids. I feel like I’m always getting left behind by my family and I don’t want it to happen to my babies. That feeling hurts.
Anyways! I’m done. That’s a whole lot to write and none of it is really important, at all.. I just needed to get it out, and Robert doesn’t understand it, so really, all I have is tumblr.
Goodnight world. I’m going to TRY and get some rest. I have to figure out a way to get the kids to the room from the couch without waking them up though. Wish me luck!
WHAT IS THAT
whaaaaat is that
THAT’S HOW THEY MAKE CAMO???????
I feel like its the same process of putting nail polish on a layer of water or whatever and dipping your nail in
So sensual. This reminds me of my first time with Robert… actually, it reminds me if most times with Robert.
Hitler flirting with Eva Braun.
I don’t know how this makes me feel
It makes me feel very uncomfortable
You know what’s so uncomfortable about this? It shows that perhaps one of the most evil men in history, was a human being. That, on occasion, he could be nice, even flirty. That’s not all. You want to see evil people as evil, screaming horrible stuff over a desk with 20 microphones with 20, 000 people saluting them. The evil is clear and recognizable then. This shows a completely different image, it scares you because that means that evil isn’t a stereotype, that evil is not recognizable, that evil could be anyone. It scares you because this shows that could be lurking inside anyone and you’ll never ever know. Maybe in you?
i reblogged this literally like 2 minutes ago, but i want this version because of that comment ^
That comment is one of my favorite post commentaries, because it’s completely right. People aren’t inherently evil. Like good, it’s a role they grow and live into. We have just as much potential to destroy as this man exhibited. And it’s a very eye opening experience to realize that.
does anyone even remember that one time hitler attended that luncheon between world leaders, some guests of which even included china’s socialist leader as well as Stalin. And then when they were ordering, everyone was gladly ordering impressive dishes one after the other, but Hitler placed an order for barley tea and a pheasant (considered a peasant’s meal by standard). When he was questioned as to why he would order something like this in something as grand as a world leader’s congress, he replied,
“I don’t smoke when my people cannot smoke, and I cannot eat when my people are going hungry.”
He wasn’t evil for its own sake, let’s try to remember that despite the countless murders, but for a moment, he did actually believe he was doing something for the good of his countrymen.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE
No, he’s right. Hitler, though extremely wrong in his views, did everything for what he thought would better the lives of his people. It was wrong. It was disgustingly, horribly wrong. But he did not do it because it was evil and he was evil. He did it because he believed it would help Germany and those who needed a better life. Those who don’t understand or even try to understand the human brain will always label men like him as ‘evil’ because it is easier to accept. But he wasn’t ‘evil.’ He felt love and loyalty and responsibilities. He simply took these aspects and morphed them into a twisted, violent thing.
Tumblr is probably the only place we could have this conversation and not be lynched.
“Every villain is a hero in his own mind.”
This post speaks to an ultimate truth. Everyone believes that they’re right in what they do, and that they’re doing good. If someone knew that what they were doing was wrong, they wouldn’t do it.
No one on this post is defending him, what he did was beyond unspeakable, but we realize that he thought he was doing the right thing, however perverted and horrible it was.
The uncomfortable subject of Hitler came up once between a German friend and myself. It made a lot of sense to me when she said that Hitler didn’t start out evil, at least in the people’s eyes. He did a lot of good for them at first. It made it easier for me to see why so many people could follow him.